How Ayahuasca Gave Me Back My Life

In the spring of 2017, I was diagnosed with throat cancer.
Shock, and my first thought was to find alternative treatment, because that terrifying word “chemo” had always frightened me. But suddenly it turned out there was no alternative readily available.

So I had to surrender to the doctors and undergo a course of radiation therapy, which for me turned out to be very brutal and caused many side effects that didn’t go away for half a year after the “treatment”! That confirmed my doubts, and I dug in my heels against further chemo and surgery, categorically refusing them.

In the course of my search for an alternative, I came across Baba Masha on YouTube, who shared stories about Ayahuasca, which miraculously turned out to be available in Tenerife. My friend and I signed up for a retreat, and I went there with the intention of finding out where to seek healing.

What I received exceeded even my boldest expectations.

Ayahuasca came to me as a bright kaleidoscope of visuals of unearthly beauty, an amazing feeling of peace and love — so intense, deep, and vast that it was unlike anything we are used to calling “love.”

In the first trip, she invited me to have an honest conversation with my body, where I had to acknowledge and reevaluate all the neglectful and exploitative ways I had treated it throughout my life. I had to come face to face with all the destruction I had allowed myself to inflict. I saw how I had been harming myself, not sparing this miraculous God-given avatar that allows me to live this life.
Tears of repentance and forgiveness led to reconnection — and gifted me with the incredible beauty of newly found inner wholeness.

At one point, as I embraced my body with all my love, I said to it:

— Please, let’s not get sick anymore or go to the hospital.
And then Ayahuasca turned me around to show how I, with my own feet, walked into that radiation therapy.
No one had put a gun to my head. No one had forced or blackmailed me into allowing such things to be done to me.

— What a fool I was! — came the realization — I will never again allow myself to be manipulated, pressured by fear, or forced to do what I don’t feel in my heart and what harms my body!

It seemed the trip had already been so deep and powerful that there was no need to go again the second night.
But Ayahuasca had a gift for me.

On the second night, she pulled a damaged part of my DNA out of me and threw it onto the rings of Saturn — so beautiful in the trip!
A vast field of shimmering icy crystals in the sunlight, where my broken DNA was lost…

And to repair the damage came the infinite Love of the Mother.
The deceased mother of my then-partner appeared to me — she had died of cancer just two months before the retreat.

She brought me such immeasurable maternal love that I couldn’t contain it — it was so whole, so vast, so Universal.
Ayahuasca guided me through sacred moments of true healing, as this love poured into me in a thick green light — the sacred energy of life. I felt how deeply this energy was rewriting my body.
Every cell vibrated, receiving this love, rebuilding its DNA.

And for the rest of the trip, I spoke with my partner’s mother.
She took me to the hospital room where she stayed awake her last night before passing.
That’s when she had her final DMT realization — that she was not dying of cancer, but that she had been brutally poisoned with chemo over two years of treatment, and her elderly body simply couldn’t handle that amount of toxins…

Her final wish before death was a thought about me — that I wouldn’t follow her path.

— I died so that you could live…

How infinitely beautiful are the feats of love!
And I hadn’t even gotten the chance to meet her while she was alive…

She showed me how cruelly Big Ph@rma treats cancer patients.
There is no more brutal, cynical, or heartless business on this planet than the pharmaceutical industry.
Even wars are local, but pharmacies are on every corner.
And what they do to cancer patients to make money is an atrocity of the highest order.

I grieved for her and for all the cancer patients in the world, all at once.
I sobbed so hard that I only came to my senses when my neighbor handed me a tissue to wipe the snot hanging down to my knees.

Much more was said, shown, and explained about my life and what I needed to do next.
Ayahuasca gave very clear instructions:

— If you see the hospital threshold — don’t cross it! Not even to ask or to look.
I still follow that rule to this day.

Ayahuasca showed me that everything I needed for healing was within arm’s reach.
She brought me to my apartment and showed me: here are your healing herbs, here are your essential oils, here is the person who loves and cares for you, here is your yoga, and here is your creativity, and so on.
I saw that I truly had everything I needed to heal — I just had to start using it wisely.

That retreat included just two nights of Ayahuasca and one Kambo session — and yet when I came out, I didn’t recognize my own body.
The transformation was so radical that I couldn’t believe it: lightness, physical endurance doubled compared to before the illness, so much energy, optimism, and love in my soul.
A heart that sings and rejoices in a new life.

It was January 2018 — a birthday gift to myself.
Since then, I haven’t stepped foot in a hospital.
I heal myself with herbs, Kambo, and Sacred Medicine.
My body is healthy and full of strength.

For two more years after that retreat, I attended Ayahuasca ceremonies to deeply cleanse and transform the inner programs that had been creating destruction in my life.

And after those two years, I stepped into the path of being a guide.
Sacred Medicine is the kind of healing the world needs to know about.
It should be a worthy alternative to Big Ph@rma — and those who need help must hear about it.

Endless gratitude to the loving Universe for the gifts of healing 🙏💝